Lyrics.

🎶 I would trade 10,000 days for one more hour with you 🎶

Wife: Aww that’s a sweet lyric. Would you trade 10,000 days for one more hour with me?

Me: Huh? No. That’s like, 30 years. For one more hour? Are you crazy?

I star a lot of tweets.

I don’t get paid to tweet. None of the jokes I wrote garner me fame nor fortune. I do it because I love telling jokes, and more importantly, love making people laugh. There is no better feeling that I’ve ever experienced than making a person or group of people erupt in joyous laughter. It’s usually an easy feat to accomplish, and people are really grateful for it.

When I joined twitter in 2011, I had no idea what I’d use it for. In fact I waited so long to sign up because I thought it was a dumb idea. But I joined and started following really, really funny people who were making me laugh. For free. I was in heaven. And inspired. I started writing really dumb jokes and began building up a following. And thanks to the work of Tim Haines and favstar.fm, I was hooked on twitter. Stars, retweets, trophies. I want them. I need them.

Let me explain. Favorites, or stars, are twitter’s version of the Facebook “like.” There is no right or wrong way to use them. There is no set of rules on when it is or is not appropriate to favorite a tweet. Like I said before, I love making people laugh. But there is no immediate call and response to a twitter joke like there is when you tell a joke to someone face to face. So to me, a twitter favorite is the equivalent of a laugh.

So I began hoarding favorites like I could trade them in for a new car. I’m on the cusp of 50,000 now and I’m ridiculously excited about reaching that milestone. That tells me I’ve made people laugh 50,000 times. Pretty incredible.

So yes, I favorite tweets. A lot of them, in fact. I do this for several reasons:

1) Sometimes it’s because you made me laugh. You deserve a star, and probably a retweet.

2) Sometimes it’s because you made me stop and think.

3) Most of the time, though, I star tweets (in addition to one of the above), to let you know I READ THIS.

Because who gives a shit about twitter? What’s the point? Why do we do what we do on that site if not to be read. To be seen. To be enjoyed by our followers? I favorite tweets to let people know I appreciate their efforts. And I think you’re great. And I actually read that shit.

So if you get a star from me, know that it means something. It might not mean what it means when you star a tweet, but too fucking bad. I’m not you. I play by my own set of twitter rules, and guess what: neither of us are wrong.

We met on the train, once.

The connection I felt was instantaneous. It was your scent that drew me in. I’ve never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly.

I walked away from that encounter more satiated than I’d been in years.

Now I look for you every day. I get on the same train. I sit in the same car. Hoping every passenger is you. Disappointed when it isn’t.

I’d never felt like that before, so filled to the brim with joy. Did it really happen? Was it a dream? Sigh.

Where are you, guy who brought a whole pizza and beer on the train that one time?

Signed,
Guy who ate six slices and drank three Coronas